Colin Estrellado on Why We Need Support Groups for Mixed-Race Folks

Mixed Asian Media - October 26, 2023

By Jaime Schwarz

A few years ago I had the thought of a mixed-race support group. Wouldn’t it be great to have a space where people who have never belonged anywhere, can belong? There are support groups or affinity groups for many things, but it’s few and far between for mixed-race individuals. I remember thinking it was a fun idea and concept, but would never actually exist. However, as I did research I learned they weren’t a fantasy, but a few actually did exist!

And so when I had the opportunity to speak with Colin Estrellado, I jumped at it. Colin is a social worker and therapist specializing in mixed-race issues and struggles, and he’s also mediating a mixed-race support group called The Melting Pot.

Something he said in our talk really struck me. ”Who you think you are now… will change,” he said. “You are going to dip in and out of various identities and come to various understandings based on your family, the community you're in, the people you're surrounded by, and how much you know.” I asked him why it’s important to have a mixed-race support group and his advice for parents of mixed children. He had some more nuggets of wisdom to share in our interview below!

*THIS INTERVIEW HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CLARITY AND LENGTH.

Let’s start with how you identify and how you feel about that “What are you?” question.

I identify as queer, cis, gay, and mixed. My dad is from the Philippines, and my mom is from Connecticut but she is a mix of various Eastern European, Poland, German, Italian, etc.

And it depends on who's asking because every person comes with all the experiences that happened before them. If another mixed-race person asks me, my mind goes to, “They're searching for community in the same ways that I do.” If it's a white person asking me, I think they're trying to place me in a box and it might be innocuous, but they're trying to get to the bottom of who this person is they’re speaking to.

What are the mental health struggles specifically for mixed-race people that others do not go through?

The feeling of in-between, displacement, “I don't have a place, I don't have a home, I don't have people that understand me, I don't have people that look like me.” This other layer of, “I feel disconnected from one or both of my identities because I didn't learn the language, I'm not connected to the food.” Then a piece of maybe microaggressions or racism that they experience throughout their life. Blatant racism or ignorance that they don't feel like they can claim, like, “Should I take offense to this? Can I take offense to this?” Or, [that experience of] people saying things in spaces where they don't realize that there's someone of Asian descent or somebody who's mixed Black, etc.

Why did you start a mixed-race support group?

There are spaces for the general population to explore their identities, like places for white folks, Asian, Black, Latinx folks to explore their spaces. But what happens to the folks that fall in the middle, the mixed folks?

There's a few online platforms and publications dedicated to the mixed space or mixed-affinity space, but I was connected with someone who is getting a Ph.D. in mixed-race affinity spaces and explicitly looking at how can we create a concrete framework of how to work with mixed-race folks in a group setting. They confirmed there were very few spaces out there and not like a clinical support group to explore, specifically, mixed-race identity formation. Because it's a bit different than identity formation for monoracial or Black folks in white America.

For mixed people, you're gonna start with how you're identifying, how your family's identifying and then you might choose a group, “Oh, I'm gonna identify as more white or Filipino.” And then there's the categorization that the world puts you in, the denial of one part of your identity versus another one, and then an appreciation of one over another. This doesn't go in the exact order because people move in and out of these, but in theories I’ve read, folks eventually come to a place of appreciation or integration of both identities.

Why is a mixed-race support group important?

The common theme I hear from mixed folk is, “My experience isn't that of the Philippines or isn't that of whiteness and so I can't really contribute too much to either of those.” You're kind of this lone person in the middle. So where can you stand? Where is there a place that centers you, where you don't have to worry about, “Am I being the loudest room person in the room with my thoughts on this?” We're centering the mixed experience, the mixed voice. 

It’s conversations that you can’t have with your own family. It's things that you have to learn about yourself, through experience, sometimes alone, sometimes with other folks, but I think it's important to bring people together and share what they've learned with other folks who have experienced similar. 

So I thought, “What would it mean to bring these folks together, and to connect, and center them in this group space?” Because connecting to a community for mixed folks can be really difficult, but it's so important. Oftentimes mixed folks will have more in common with other mixed folks than they might with other folks of their separate identities.

How should parents talk to their kids about being mixed, and is there an age too young to talk about race and their racial identity? 

Kids recognize race. There’s a kids’ book called A Kids Book About Racism by Jelani Memory, and another one called A Kids Book About White Privilege by Ben Sand. It's my therapeutic belief there is always an age-appropriate way to communicate something to a child and have these conversations. For any topic — death, divorce, identity, racism. 

But people don't feel comfortable and that's where the barrier comes up. It's not that kids can't understand it, it’s that parents can't explain it. Or they have a hard time understanding it themselves. So it’s just a matter of how to communicate it to your child. Your child is going to be treated differently in some way, might be large, might be small, and so it's gonna be important for you to talk to them about all of who they are.

Colin Estrellado is a therapist and LCSW currently practicing at NYC Affirmative Psychotherapy. With experience in the fields of mental health and early childhood education, he primarily works with diverse adolescent and adult populations, specifically LGBTQIA+ people, mixed-race individuals, parents, and families. Colin will be hosting The Melting Pot, an 8-week virtual support group for people looking to explore their multiracial identities. This group will also discuss racial identity formation and connecting to community, and it’s meant to include multi-ethnic folks. Colin said, “If you are a Jewish and white Catholic person, come to the group. I want to hear about the experience, too.”

To join the group, you can fill out this Google form, or scan the QR code below. And if you’re unable to participate this time around, Colin plans to host another one in the future. Follow the NYC Affirmative Psychotherapy Instagram to stay updated. 

Jaime Schwarz, the daughter of a Jewish father and a Korean mother, is an actor, singer, and writer based in both NYC and LA. A BFA acting graduate from Pace University, she has worked Off-Broadway in “The Doctor” at Park Avenue Armoy, and in television appearing in shows like Difficult People, Younger, Jane the Virgin, and Sorry for Your Loss with Elizabeth Olsen. In addition to acting, Jaime is a writer and filmmaker, having written, produced, and made two short films! Along with storytelling and the arts, she’s passionate about social justice, with a personal interest in women’s and immigration rights, mixed-race advocacy, and men having a skincare regimen.