Hotter Up Close with Christopher Matias Aguila

Mixed Asian Media - September 13, 2022

By Jalen Jones

Christopher Matias Aguila is the writer and actor behind Chris — the nervous, shy, and yet irresistibly endearing star of Hotter Up Close. The film follows Chris as he searches for love amidst the sprawling, yet shallow crowds of West Hollywood, all the while he experiences what every queer man recognizes as his own personal apocalypse: turning 30.

Hotter Up Close has been met with an exciting uproar of acclaim, celebrated by fans and festival-goers alike. I had the pleasure to meet with Chris (the writer/actor, not the character) to talk about his experiences on both sides of the screen, how he juggles his vast collection of checkboxes on and off set, and… perhaps an upcoming TV series?

Hotter Up Close is currently screening in multiple film festivals throughout California, with FilmOut San Diego, the Cinema Diverse Palm Springs LGBTQ+, and the Long Beach LGBTQ Film Festival being a few among them.

As both the writer and star of Hotter Up Close, I can definitely tell that you had a heavy hand in the look and feel of this production. Where do you think the inspiration for creating such a sweet, feel good film came from?

Well, I wrote it during the pandemic, during the lockdown at the pandemic, which I'm sure for everyone was such a dark, traumatic, scary time. It certainly was that for me. I was feeling so bottled up creatively, and just wanted to make something — something really joyous, and celebratory, and inclusive. That was the initial seed of it, you know; I wanted to come out of the pandemic and bring a group of people together that I loved — make something where we could just have fun, and reward ourselves for getting through such a hard time. That was kind of the genesis of it. Characters were built out from there, and the roles built out from there, but the seed was always just joy.

I absolutely loved watching the film. I felt so warm inside! And we definitely need more of that these days. Now, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it definitely seems like you and the main character—whose name is also Chris—have a lot of similarities. Did you find yourself pulling from a lot of personal experiences, ones that maybe you yourself have experienced?

Yeah. The movie starts with Chris turning 30, which I have [done], and sort of dealing with what that means or what he thinks that means; how his life is supposed to look, and what things need to change. When I was a teenager, what I dreamed my life would look like when I was 30 is not what it actually is — I just didn't know what life was like at that age! So I think it's a confrontation of reality versus expectations.

Hotter Up Close [as a title] sums up that idea that like, you think you know something, but when you really look at it up close, it turns into something else. As far as like, the connection between me and Chris — we definitely share a lot of the same values and sense of humor, obviously, and tactics when dealing with uncomfortable situations. I would say he’s a version of myself that I love tapping into, like, a fun, sort of “I go with it” kind of person of me. So maybe he's more of an alter ego than like, actually me.

It's like you're a superhero. 

Yeah, right! Correct.

Something that I definitely want to talk about is how it seems like Chris is confronting two of a queer man's biggest life crises at the same time — a breakup, and turning “The Big Three-O.” It seems the film might be pushing towards a different outlook on those things though?

As I'm kind of going through this decade of my life and trying to change my own outlooks, I think that's in the journey of this character too. My version of the queer community in Los Angeles is very image-conscious and status-conscious. But what happens when you don't feel good in any of those areas, and are thrown into it. Then it turns out, you actually could thrive in your own way. 

I think my hope is that being true to yourself in sort of a world of facades is the way to go — because ultimately, you can get what you want, or learn about what you don't really want. [You can] know who your friends are, and who your friends aren’t. So that's Chris the writer’s view of getting older. I think that the character Chris is learning that along the way too.

It really does seem like Chris, at the end of the story, is praised for being his kind, funny and sensitive self, and not trying to morph himself into this different box.

I have felt like a chameleon my whole life — just getting into different friend groups or different situations, and sort of morphing who I was and never really feeling uncomfortable. But I was pretending to be something that I'm not. Eventually, those things blow up in your face, because you're just pretending and not being authentic.

Especially as a mixed, Asian, and queer man, there are many different identities to be juggling all at once. Do you ever feel like those different aspects of your identity have an input into how you go about expressing yourself in your craft?

Yeah, totally. I hid my queerness and my Asian-ness for most of my life, and I was ashamed of it at first. My dad was an immigrant from the Philippines. He came here in his 20s, and he really wanted to be American, so when he had kids — me and my sister — he really wanted us to be American kids. So we didn't learn the language — we didn't learn Tagalog. I've never been to the Philippines, my only sort of touch of the culture was my grandmother, who lived a few blocks away and would cook all of the great food. But other than that, I was in my own kind of bubble. My mom is white, and her side of the family is white. It seemed like — although no one ever really said it — to me that that was the way that I should have been learning and presenting: white. And my family was a bit religious, so the queerness was always… I knew that there was something different about me, but there wasn't, I think, at a time, a comfortable way to express it. So over the years I sort of created this “other version” of Chris that moved through high school, and kind of hid all of these really foundational things about who I am.

It wasn't until recently, honestly, that I have felt truly comfortable even owning my queerness or my Asian-ness. Even after coming out, it still never felt like enough. Like I wasn't gay or straight enough. I wasn't white or Filipino enough. So I was in this weird gray-zone, where I felt like I didn't have a category to fit in. So I was invisible.

I think that [feeling is] maybe more common than we think it is. It's interesting because [growing up with] my cousins—who for the most part are fully Filipino—there was a difference. I was treated differently, and I don't know if it was better or worse, but because my skin was lighter, and because I looked different from them. I sometimes can't help but think about what my life would be like if I fully got to embrace that half of who I am earlier on.

Yeah. Something I feel like Hotter Up Close really gets at is how you just have to take everything that everyone tries to place on you and throw it to the wind, if you want to embrace yourself.

Do you ever find any parallels between how you juggle your different identities as a queer, mixed man with how you juggle your different roles on set, such as actor, writer, and producer?

That's a good question. It has shaped my point of view and work ethic, and how I think people should be treated. I've always wanted to be an actor, and I've loved writing.

Sometimes it has felt like a survival tactic. You know, if I want to write, then I have to write. If I want to act, then I usually have to write something to act in. So in that way, I think it has just developed these survival skills of like, “If I want to do something, if I want to make something, I have to do it myself.” It's not going to be handed to me.

I also think that in my life, I have been so fascinated with people — creative people and smart people and talented people and people from different worlds — that my group of friends and collaborators are amazing. When we make something like Hotter Up Close, I can ask my friends to be in it, and they're perfect. They make it so much better, and I think that has been a product of my upbringing.

Those can really feel like the best types of productions that you make in the world I bet — it's really your own from start to finish.

Ownership in something creative can be really powerful. In it, I don't feel like I'm going to get something wrong, or have to like, please somebody — it's coming from me. I have to please myself for what makes me happy about it. So this piece really made me feel really powerful.

It's like creating your own little world; your own little safe space. I know everybody loves to throw that phrase around these days, but it feels true here. You’re creating your own little place to just be yourself and have fun.

How has it felt to go from writing the film back when nobody saw it — and it was your little secret — to now, where it's been on these huge screens at festivals before an audience? I mean, it must be crazy!

It's incredible. On so many occasions you may say you want to make something, and it never happens. Or you make something, and no one sees it. But Hotter Up Close is such a culmination of so many people's hard work. Now that people are seeing it, it is such a treat. And to get to sit with audiences and have them react to it, it's sort of like a dream. I think it's all I could ask for, especially for this particular film that’s about community, written during lockdown. To go into a room with the big screen, with a bunch of enthusiastic people and experience something together — it reminds me why this career is important and why I want to be a part of it.

This has been such a positively emotional process. It's really great to get to this point where now I need to just share it with people.

How have you been keeping yourself busy these days? And is there anything that fans of yours can look forward to coming soon?

Right now I'm in the Sunday company at the Groundlings. It's a sketch and improv theater, incredible legendary theater in Los Angeles. And I'm in the Sunday company, which writes and performs a brand new sketch show every Sunday. That’s my life right now. If anyone ever wants to come to a show, they’re Sundays at 7:30 PM at the Groundlings theater on Melrose.

[The Groundlings] has been such an important part of my development as an artist, because it has made me a better writer, a better actor, and a better listener. If you ever want to see a show, go there, it's great — any show, any night of the week. The performers are all incredible.

As for Hotter Up Close, the plan is to turn it into a TV show! So you know, I'm working on that, and working on the pilot script and the show Bible and all the stuff that goes into that. But yeah, we're gonna get it on TV.

That is so exciting! I will definitely be tuning in. I'm already in love with the character Chris, and hopefully soon the world will be. Thank you so much for coming and sitting down with me for this interview!

I also wanted to say thank you for asking me to be a part of this, because again, the Asian side of me is so important to [my identity]. It was something that I had been running from for so long, so it means a lot to be included in these kinds of spaces — because I excluded myself from them before, and have felt excluded before. This is really meaningful to me, to find a community of other mixed race Asian people is something my 8-year-old self would have died for. So thank you so much.

I feel like you can think of this as a homecoming! You're finally home.

Jalen Jones is a writer, poet, director, and all around creative who came of age in Eagle Rock and the greater Los Angeles county. Over the years he has hosted a children’s workout DVD series, directed an Emmy Award winning Public Service Announcement, and produced the NAACP Image Award nominated short film “The Power of Hope.”

Passionate about portraying the real, the unpinpointable, and the almost-unsayable, Jalen has published a wide array of poetry and creative work that lands on these very discoveries. More than anything, he hopes to build a house out of words that can make anyone and everyone feel like they belong. Find him on Instagram @jalen_g_jones.