My Love Letter to PEN15

Hapa Mag - DECEMBER 9, 2020

By Alison Lea Bender

 
 
 

Alison’s re-creation of Maya’s school play monologue

During my time in quarantine this year, I (like so many others) started binge-watching television series, and I finally embarked on the PEN15 journey, through a recommendation from my fellow Hapa Mag colleague (and brother from another mother) Sam Tanabe.

Watching the pilot episode, I had a sudden, visceral reaction to seeing a leading Hapa character (Maya Ishii-Peters) portrayed by the impeccable Maya Erskine. I found myself more and more hooked as I continued watching. In each episode, Maya's scenes contained light quips and references to growing up mixed-race... then BOOM. The episode “Posh” played on my screen. As my bestie, Sam wrote about in his piece, “PEN15 Triggers Your Mixed Insecurities,” my reactions were all too familiar to any Hapa watching the ridicule and shame Maya experiences from her YT girl classmates. The only ethnic girl in my friend group growing up, I also HAD to be Scary Spice, because being Asian was the closest thing to being the dark one. Scary Spice (aka Mel B) is undoubtedly a gorgeous, fierce, badass leader. But I wanted to be Posh! I wanted to be Baby! Why didn’t I have a choice like the other girls? Needless to say, shit got a little too real and took me back to a very dark, triggering time in my youth.

Fast forward through two amazing seasons, and we arrive at the penultimate episode of season two. The last two episodes build up to an epic finale, the school play, and our beloved Maya is cast as the lead! Recognized for her talent, she gets to play the meaty, nuanced, and wildly age-inappropriate role of Debra. Like during the “Posh” episode, I found myself deeply emotional remembering my own awkwardness performing in children’s theatre — a middle schooler in a dusty, raggedy gray wig, playing roles I was too young for. But hey, it was children’s theatre! Theatre has always been my escape, becoming something I’m not in real life. As a kid, I was cast for my talent and potential. Those times were less cutthroat and pragmatic than now, where my career is determined by my look and authenticity. Watching Maya receive the applause she deserved for playing a battered, bitter, middle-aged housewife with a heavy New Yawk accent brought me back to my glory days of children’s theatre. I’d like to say thank you to Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle for creating such a memorable, meaningful show for this Hapa chick.

*SPECIAL THANKS TO SAM TANABE AND BILLY ALBERTELLI FOR PRODUCTION ASSISTANCE

 
A mixed asian woman smiles at the camera. She has long dark hair and is wearing white. She frames her face with her hands pressed against her cheeks

Alison Lea Bender is a multi-hyphenate who defies conventional categorization and refuses to be pigeonholed. She is an avid champion for diversity, representation, inclusion in the arts, and the AAPI & POC communities. Some have called her the voice of a generation, some have called her a dangerous threat to society, but most of us just call her "my friend." The self-proclaimed "Hello Kitty meets Marilyn Monroe," Mizz Bender has performed on many a NYC stage as a muse to her many theatre friends and family. She can be followed on Instagram @AlisonLeaBender.