The F Word

MIXED ASIAN MEDIA - December 17, 2021

By Alex Chester

I never wanted a child. I didn’t think one would fit my lifestyle. I figured, I lived from paycheck to paycheck, and I didn’t want to rely on my partner to be the breadwinner — to be reliant on a man for financial stability. I’m a strong independent woman, damnit! And children didn’t suit my starving actor mentality, nor my plans to travel the world.

Time passed, I’ve grown older, and circumstances change. I’m the most stable I’ve ever been, financially and emotionally (yay therapy), I’m happily married (this took a lot of work from both parties), and I now think it would be cool — even fun— to raise a child, make a human, and hopefully not fuck it up too much. I could be a mom. It would be an adventure. I even started thinking babies were cute, something I’ve never thought before. My husband and I would be the coolest parents! Except there are a couple of problems. We don’t want to be parents yet, and I’m definitely on the wrong side of 30, and so is he… but that doesn’t matter. Ugh, men.

To give my husband and myself some more time to hit our bucket lists, and get him settled in his new job as a flight attendant, I opted to freeze my eggs. Where does one even start looking for a fertility doctor? The internet has way too many options and advice. I decided to check with my gynecologist, who had assured me I had plenty of follicles and wouldn’t need to worry about infertility. I emailed her and asked what my next step should be to freeze my eggs. Her answer was surprisingly unhelpful. “I don’t do this.” No recommendations, no helpful pointers. Le sigh.

I asked my neurologist in L.A. if he had any recs because he’s one of the best doctors in his field. He had always said that if I did become pregnant, I would need to be monitored closely. He sent me to Dr. Sam Najmabadi in Beverly Hills, an infertility specialist and reproductive endocrinologist.

In a FaceTime appointment with Dr. Najmabadi, he explained that I would need at least 10-15 eggs to make the whole process worthwhile, and the goal would be 20 eggs frozen for the possibility of a baby. Egg freezing price: $10,000. This includes medication, doctor appointments, egg retrieval, and one year of storage of frozen eggs.

I decided to go in for an actual fertility workup. This included blood tests, to make sure I wasn’t a carrier of some abnormal hereditary disease, and a vaginal ultrasound to look at my ovaries and see what’s going on with them. This appointment didn’t quite go as planned. My gyno had assured me I was very fertile. Well, it turned out she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. I had a whopping seven follicles (eggs) and two cysts. This was not the news I was expecting, and it left me feeling quite devastated. Dr. Najmabadi did have an option for me. He recommended I go off of birth control, do a round of PRP ovarian rejuvenation, and have the cysts removed. “In Ovarian Rejuvenation, PRP (platelet rich plasma) is directly injected into a patient’s ovaries, infusing the ovaries with proteins rich in growth factors and stem-cell chemoattractants.” This has a 50% success rate of increasing egg count. Price: $7,000.

Due to my very crazy busy schedule, I had to wait one month to do this procedure. I went off birth control, and during my pre-op, the doctor announced my cysts were gone. One less thing to worry about. The next morning came bright and way too early for this night owl. I was given sedation, and from the time I walked in to the time I left, only an hour and a half had passed. The surgery itself took maybe 10 mins max.

I went home, was advised to take it easy for a couple of days, and told to call next month as soon as I got my period. I had some mild bloating and cramping, nothing terrible. I just had the very odd sensation of my ovaries being very full. This lasted roughly three days, and I was soon back to my crazy schedule.

The following month my period showed up on a Thursday. I called the doctor’s office and was told to come in that Saturday. There is only a three-day window to begin IVF (in vitro fertilization) once you get your menstruation cycle. I booked myself a flight for that Saturday morning and arrived just in time for my 11 a.m. appointment.

Let me tell you, I was hella nervous. What if the PRP didn’t work, what would I do then? Did I just waste a shit load of money? Fortunately, it did work. I went from seven follicles to 19. My doctor started me on IVF medications right away, to plump these “would be” eggs up.

The nurse showed me the two different medications I would be injecting myself with, Follistim and Menopur, both follicle-stimulating hormones. I would do this every day — one shot in the leg the other in the stomach. Luckily, I don’t have a problem with needles and was able to give myself these shots, no big deal. My mom, however, looked like she was going to pass out watching me do this.

The nurse also set me up with an IV drip specifically with vitamins for healthy eggs. I was told this whole process should only take about nine days, and they scheduled me for follow-up appointments every couple of days.

At first, I didn’t notice any difference in how I was feeling from the shots, but by day three, I began to feel crappy. My mood was super low, I was nauseous right after giving myself the shots, and I felt very tired.

As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I knew this was only for now and that as soon as I was done with this egg freezing process I would feel better, but man, did it suck. I upped my dosage of Lexapro to what I should normally be on. It didn’t do much. My mantra became “this is only for now.”

A couple of days later, I returned for a follow-up appointment, I was told my follicles were growing nicely and to keep giving myself the shots. I did another IV drip while I was there. The doctor added another daily shot I had to administer myself called Ganirelix. This is used to prevent premature ovulation and has to be given pretty much at the same time every day. I was now up to three different shots daily.

By the time day eight rolled by, I was super nauseous, had zero appetite, slightly bloated, and very depressed. My body did not feel like my body, and my brain was mush. Luckily my follicles had grown enough, and my doctor decided the day after next would be egg retrieval day.

This meant I had to do a “trigger shot.” A “trigger shot” contains the Human Chorionic Gonadotropin hormone (HCG) and is incredibly time-sensitive. It has to be administered at the exact time your doctor orders and goes into your stomach. By this point my thighs and stomach area would have made a junkie blush.

That night I “triggered,” as many call it, and immediately started to feel the onset of a migraine. Some women’s bodies love hormones, my body hates them.

Egg retrieval came bright and early 36 hours later, and I was given anesthesia for the procedure, which took maybe 15 minutes. When I woke up, the doctor said he had retrieved 13 eggs. Tomorrow he would let me know how many matured and would be frozen. He also had to give me a detox IV to help my body and brain recover faster from these hormones.

I was feeling super bloated and cramping. My ovaries felt so full and heavy, it was the weirdest sensation. I was told I could resume normal activity in a few days and to call as soon as I got my period. I spent the rest of my day freaking out, waiting to hear how many eggs made it.

The next morning at 6 a.m., the doctor called me. Ten eggs made it to freezing, and I should do another round in December. For those of you unfamiliar with this process, 10 eggs equal very good news.

Now December has arrived, and I’m currently starting round two of IVF. I’m hoping to freeze another 10 eggs and be done with all of this for a few years. As much as my body and heart want a baby right now, I know that this is the best approach to having my own child. I want to make sure my husband and I are mentally as ready as we can be before we bring a kid into this crazy, fucked up world.

Some of you reading this might be wondering why I didn’t opt to freeze embryos. This is where the lab fertilizes the eggs with whoever’s sperm you are using. While I believe my hubby will be the father of my child, us still being together in the next five years isn’t guaranteed. For me, I opted to freeze my eggs because… life happens. I think this decision needs to be made by each person, and couple. There is no right or wrong answer, and anyone who judges needs to take a good look at their life and mind their own business.

I will say this much: this process has been emotionally and physically taxing, but it’s so worth the money, knowing I am ensuring the possibility of being a mother. If you are on the fence about kids and can afford this, then I highly recommend egg freezing. There’s also the chance you won’t use all the frozen eggs. So sell them, and make that money back you spent. This is exactly what I plan to do, if I have that option.

Wish me luck.