Worst Gift

Hapa Mag - DECEMBER 11, 2019

 
An illustrated graphic of various pastel palm trees and black dots against an orange background. Text in the middle says "Hapa Mag Staff Picks: Worst Gift""
 
 

Re-Gifted Body Lotions

ALISON LEA BENDER

 
A gif of a big Black man smiling at the camera and enthusiastically raising his eyebrows while holding up a bottle of body wash in one hand. He stands in front of a brown background
 

Bad Candy

OLIVIA CHEN

 
A gif of a pug dressed up as Lucille Ball's character in "I Love Lucy" while a conveyer belt of chocolates moves in front of them. Chocolates wallpaper and a danger sign is behind them
 

A Lamp

ALEX CHESTER

A gif of two white men dressed in 70s suits stand next to each other. The man on the right says "I love lamp"

An ex of mine gave me a lamp he made out of a Maker’s Mark bottle. I would have preferred the Maker’s Mark. It was so ugly.

Kitten Heels

Lauren Hardie

An older white man shaking his head and raising his spread-out hands in front of him in a flabbergasted motion. A shelf of shoes against a yellow wall is visible behind him

White leather backless kitten heel sandals with a large fuchsia and yellow flower on top. I can’t even remember trying them on, they were so ugly.

A Watercolor of a Traced Chimpanzee

AUTUMN HENRY

A gif of chimpanzees driving a van. The one closest to the camera pushes away the camera

No, this isn’t cruel judgement of a gift that came from a child. I was a twenty-five year old who had (reluctantly) begun dating another twenty-five year old who’d been asking me out for months. It was winter, and I was lonely, young, and dumb. I had sensed I was working with a cornball, and when Christmas came around he confirmed by proudly gifting me a “painting” of a “monkey.” We had briefly and lightheartedly talked about us both being monkeys in the Chinese zodiac, and he’d noticed that I had a few monkey keepsake items given to me over the years by my family. So, he decided to add to my collection by tracing some random stock cartoon of a chimpanzee (not a monkey) and watercoloring over it. Cool.

Justin Bieber S Toothbrush

REBECCA LEE LERMAN

A gif of a white man pressing his index finger to his palm and saying "I learned from that"

A gag gift by someone I no longer keep in touch with. She started hysterically laughing when I opened it. I had given her high-end throw pillows and a gift card to a Broadway show. Needless to say, I threw it out as soon as I got home.

Sweater

NATHAN LIU

 
A gif of a seemingly white masc presenting a seemingly white femme an ugly christmas sweater. Various family members wearing ugly christmas sweaters trail behind him
 

Tetris

CHRISSY PARDO 

A gif of a tetris piece falling into place and clearing a whole section

So under normal circumstances this would be a great gift — a Tetris video game you can plug into your TV, but my mom clearly bought it for herself and gifted it to me so she could play it all the time. In fact, she once forgot to pick me up from school because she was playing the goddamn thing!!

Starbucks Gift Card

MATT PARK

A gif of a Starbucks latte filling to the brim

I just don’t like Starbucks Coffee. I get about three of these every year from co-workers at my job. I pass them off on people/relatives I don’t really like. If you get one from me, it means we aren’t really friends.

Plates

LAUREN W.

A gif of a seemingly white man smashing a plate onto the kitchen cabinet

The year I moved to NY: dining plates with New York art on them.